Jolie Elin
May 10, 2014
What does my Bar Mitzvah mean to me? I’m not sure.
Does it mean that now I am a man? Well, I’m just 13-3/4.
Does it mean that I understand everything that I have studied and can speak knowingly about my life as a humanistic Jew? Not entirely.
I CAN say that being a Bar Mitzvah is now part of me –even if I am a work in progress.
This day, May 10th, 2014, represents a lot to me because here I am, standing before everyone, presenting all the work I have done. I am nervous and feel a lot of pressure to do a good job. But will this day really change me? That I can’t say right now.
It will not change my perspective on the world. It will not change the way that I look at people, even if it affects how people look at me. My Bar Mitzvah is something that I have pursued as part of the tradition in my congregation, to symbolize my role in the world as a Humanistic Jew.
In having a Bar Mitzvah I am like the men in my family. My grandfather Joe read from the Torah during Shabbat services and then his mother, my great grandmother Rose, offered cake and wine. In those days, fountain pens were popular gifts and instead of saying “Now I am a Man,” you would say, “now I am a fountain pen.”
My Uncle Richard Schoolman studied for his Bar Mitzvah at the Suburban Temple in Wantagh, where my mom and family lived. He read from the Torah, wearing a tallis that my great grandfather Max bought for him. There was a luncheon afterward in the temple.
My uncle Michael Schoolman had his Bar Mitzvah four years later when he was 13 years old. He told me he was very scared because he was doing it for his grandparents, and they wanted him to do it. He had it in the Wantagh Jewish Center. The party was in his backyard.
Now these Bar Mitzvahs were all different from the one that I am having. They were celebrated in different types of congregations, and the ceremony involved Hebrew readings that they didn’t necessarily understand. I am in a humanistic congregation, which means that I don’t read from the Torah, but I read papers that I have written over the period of a few years. I’m fortunate that I understand everything I have written.
The problem is that right now it is hard for me to judge how I will feel about all this looking back from the future. I would be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy interviewing my family about values. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t like looking at old photographs of grandpa Joe at summer camp. And I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy working with my fabulous mentor, Marty Shore, who took me on a trip to the Lower East Side – the Jewish tour – where we ate matzoh fresh from the oven.
So what does my Bar Mitzvah mean to me? Family, friends, learning, history and a sense that I accomplished something I’m really proud of, which I can share with all those I love.
I’d like to thank the following people for helping during my Bar Mitzvah preparation:
Martin Shore-My mentor who guided me through this process, and showed me that it’s not as hard as it looks.
Rabbi Peter Schweitzer- My rabbi, who has checked my work, and helped me if I was stuck.
Isabel Kaplan- Responsible for checking, and editing all of my papers, and making sure that everything was perfect.
Aram Rubenstein-Gillis- for the fantastic music – and he was a fabulous KidSchool teacher, too.
Mom- who helped me when times got tough, and I felt like giving up.
